Guide to first time painless sex for virgin couple

Funmi Akingbade
| credits: File copy

I have had many opportunities to address and counsel many intending couples whose relationships have ended in a good marriage. However in the course of my interactions, unbelievable as it may sound, I have discovered that close to 50 per cent of such intending couples were in a non-sexual relationship and my phones are always very busy with all types of questions on their wedding nights. It is either they do not know what to do sexually or how to go about it. Many ended up with a sexless or frustrated honeymoon.

I want to discuss what spouses who are virgins need to keep in mind before having sex. Not just sex, but a pain-free and memorable experience for both. I believe this will help ease the anxiety and improve the pleasure.

When couples are ready for sex for the first time, the excitement may be so overpowering. On the other hand, it’s very easy to also allow anxiety to take over because for most ladies, one of the most stressful worries is the pain associated with first time sex.  This is when a lady wonders in apprehension what it will be like: Will it hurt? How much does it hurt? Why do ladies bleed? Would I bleed? Will I enjoy it? Am I going to have orgasm? How does an orgasm feel?

The truth of the matter is that many ladies don’t feel any pain at all the first time they have sexual intercourse. Very few ladies actually experience pain that is unbearable. And if you experience any pain at all while having sex for the first time, the pain may be similar to a pinprick. The psychological trauma of imagining how much it would hurt is almost always a lot worse than the actual pain many ladies feel. Also while having sex for the first time, there may be spotting or bleeding because of the tear in the hymen. How much you bleed depends on the size and thickness of your hymen. But if you bleed, you may just notice a bit of spotting on your bed or at times, something that resembles your period stain on the sheets. The hymen could tear for several reasons like vigorous exercises, aerobics, energetic dances or even while getting fingered. So for such ladies, the hymen may not be a sign of virginity, but sexual intercourse. After having sex for the first time, you may continue to bleed a little over a few days. But if you see anything more than a bit of spotting in your underwear or scant traces when you pee, speak to someone you trust in the family or get in touch with your doctor. Few brides who have sex for the first time could experience some soreness for a day or two. It’s natural to feel a bit sore just like you would after a good workout.Start off by helping each other to undress and give room for both of you to refresh yourselves with a good bath. This is necessary to calm you down after the stress of the wedding ceremony you have both gone through. The physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion might affect you negatively if not well handled. It is, therefore, very important to be in a relaxed mood and not compulsorily focus your mind on sex for the night. You still have all other nights to yourselves.  Then just relax and do not look too serious. At this point, you both should chat, say something sweet and romantic to each other. This should be done more by the groom to relax the bride the more. The same goes to the bride, do not appear as a saintly prey and the man as the merciless predator. Give your husband a reassuring look of acceptance and approval. After taking a bath, which you both can have together, change into something comfortable and lovely. The bride should change into something sweet, irresistible, transparent and seductive, preferably a new lacy bra and undies with a good body perfume. The bride just has to smell very good. The groom likewise should change into a good pyjamas, make use of a good perfume, after-shave and comb his hair neatly.The virgin groom on the other hand will also wonder what it will be like. Will I satisfy her? Will I have erection? Am I impotent? Am I a real man? Can I be a father? The best thing to do is to relax and have a loving attitude towards your bride. Do not make it mandatory to have sex or practise all the expert methods that same night.

Questions and Answers

Until her pastor says yes, sex with my wife is not guaranteed

I am at the point of calling it quits with my wife of 18 years. Initially, I thought this whole saga would disappear and everything would become normal again. But to my frustration, it is getting worse by the day. Before my wife came across this so-called man of God, sex was very beautiful. As a matter of fact, she taught me lots of sexual moves and tricks. But ever since she became a member of his church, I have to give a month notice before she will look into her timetable or schedule to create a space for lovemaking with me, her husband. As if this is not bad enough, when eventually she considers having sex with me, she has to first put a call across to her pastor and ask if she should go ahead and have sex with me. What type of a miserable life is this? I want your opinion before I send her packing.

Mr Araromi Testomu

This is more of a spiritual matter than sexual; I think the best thing here is for both of you to see a sincere clergy man together, a clergy you are sure she respects. There is a misconception of real relationship with God here and it takes a person of a godly reputation with God to help clear the controversy.

Does herpes drug cause yeast infection?

I was recently diagnosed with genital herpes. I got treated and the result came out negative.  I was so happy but I had a second attack six months later and since then, I have been placed on some form of treatment.  I’m asking this question because I have a lot of yeast infection outbreaks at the same time. It’s so horrible; sometimes I feel something is crawling all over my body. Does the medicine for herpes treatment cause this?

Mary Abdullah

Although yeast infections come as a result of a PH imbalance, if you are placed on antibiotics for the treatment of anything, it may be a reason for you to be easily infected with yeast infection. Try eating yogurt to help get the PH balance back and also take a lot of vegetables.

My blood pressure is always irregular before and after sex

My blood pressure is always irregular before and after sex. What is going on? Why the irregularity or is there a problem with my heart? I am hypertensive and I fear for my life.

Mr Kent Young

Sexual activities like any other activities could increase the rate of heart beat and cause a rise in blood pressure during and after sex. This is because of the exertion on the heart. But most irregularity of blood pressure is as a result of faulty readings. How do you take your blood pressure? Before taking your blood pressure,  find a quiet place (you will need to listen to your heartbeat), then roll up the sleeve on your left arm or remove any tight-sleeved clothing, if needed. (It’s best to take blood pressure from the left arm, if possible.) Make sure you rest in a chair next to a table for five to 10 minutes. (Your left arm should rest comfortably at heart level.), then sit up straight with your back against the chair, legs uncrossed. Rest your forearm on the table with the palm of your hand facing up.

If you purchase a manual or digital blood pressure monitor, follow the instruction booklet carefully. Locate your pulse by lightly pressing your index and middle fingers slightly to the inside centre of the bend of the elbow. Here you can feel the pulse of the brachial artery. If you cannot locate a pulse, place the head of the stethoscope (on a manual monitor) or the arm cuff (on a digital monitor) in the same general area. Secure the cuff by threading the cuff end through the metal loop and slide the cuff onto your arm, making sure that the stethoscope head is over the artery. (When using a manual monitor, the cuff may be marked with an arrow to show the location of the stethoscope head.) The lower edge of the cuff should be about one inch above the bend of your elbow. Place the stethoscope in your ears. Tilt the earpiece slightly forward to get the best sound. Inflate and deflate the cuff if you are using a manual monitor: hold the pressure gauge in your left hand and the bulb in your right. Close the airflow valve on the bulb by turning the screw clockwise.  Inflate the cuff by squeezing the bulb with your right hand. You may hear your pulse in the stethoscope.  Watch the gauge. Keep inflating the cuff until the gauge reads about 30 points (mm Hg) above your expected systolic pressure. At this point, you should not hear your pulse in the stethoscope. Keeping your eyes on the gauge, slowly release the pressure in the cuff by opening the airflow valve counter clockwise. The gauge should fall only two to three points with each heartbeat. (You may need to practice turning the valve slowly.) Listen carefully for the first pulse beat. As soon as you hear it, note the reading on the gauge. This reading is your systolic pressure.  Continue to slowly deflate the cuff. Listen carefully until the sound disappears. As soon as you can no longer hear your pulse beat, note the reading on the gauge. This reading is your diastolic pressure. Allow the cuff to completely deflate and make sure you are not entertaining any form of fear or anxiety all through.